Forgetting and Moving Forward
Isaiah 43:18-19: “Do not remember the former things, nor consider the
things of old. Behold, I will do
a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it?”
There is a hidden secret lurking about the hallways of our churches. It lies within the hearts of every
believer. Its presence is
boundless; it follows us into our homes and affects our roles as wives,
husbands, mothers, fathers, teachers, and pastors. It threatens to snare us and
disable our efforts for the Lord. It is the secret pain of our pasts.
Recently, I received an e-mail from a dear girlfriend, who struggled with her
past. As a young girl, her father
had sexually abused her, and although she had forgiven him, she felt worthless,
even to God and His Kingdom. She
knew, as head knowledge alone, that God loved and valued her, but her wounded
heart hadn’t yet fully embraced that truth.
I empathized with her all too well. Several
years ago, as I drove and prayed, I cried out to the Lord, “Dear God, my heart
breaks looking to the past; and my heart trembles looking to the future.” You see, I too was sexually abused as a
child and then brutally raped as a teenager.
Until two years ago, I suffered the agony of lingering wounds from sexual
abuse. Although I was now
physically safe, I faced the depths of hopelessness and despair as I began the
overwhelming journey towards healing.
Then, there were also my own failures, my slavery to sin. I had wounded family members and friends
by my irresponsible behaviors and sharp, cutting words. I had surrendered my purity and
innocence to sexual promiscuity as a teenager.
As a young adult, I terminated a pregnancy, thus ending the life of my
own child. Even before I knew the
Lord, I suffered the consequences of my sins.
I grieved the loss of my baby; I longed to erase that most heartbreaking
and irrevocable day from my past. Once
I received the salvation of Jesus Christ, I believed His blood had covered all
my sins – except that one. God’s
Word said nothing about the subject of abortion, and I assumed that it was
unforgivable, even worse than murdering an adult because unborn babies are
innocent and defenseless. Finally,
through published resources and a wonderful ministry, I understood that God
fully forgave even me. I vividly
recall that night in the Christian bookstore when I found a book entitled Her
Choice to Heal. Almost
immediately, I realized the book was specifically about healing after abortion,
so I scanned quickly through the pages, looking for answers. Could God still love me?
Has He provided eternal salvation for me in spite of my sin? Could God use me for His Kingdom work? As I read the authors’ stories of
their own abortions and the grace and love by which God had healed and restored
them, my eyes filled with tears, and I began to weep aloud, still within this
very public setting. I cried tears
of sorrow because I longed for my baby, yet I also cried tears of joy because
the truth of God’s awesome love and grace was revealed so personally to me at
last, thus setting me free.
Many of us are bound by something from our pasts: sexual promiscuity, drug
and alcohol use, abortion, failed marriages.
What once may have seemed so harmless now is so shameful and heavy a
burden. As we grow closer to the Lord and stand in awe of His
holiness, we are all too aware of our sin-laden pasts. How do we take that first step from the
trenches of our pasts to forgiveness and righteousness? The answer is simple: by faith.
I responded to my girlfriend’s e-mail, mentioned above, by reminding her of
the faith by which we believe in God and His Son, by which we accept His
sacrificial love and grace, by which we await His glorious return. Many of us now-believers initially
reacted to Christian witness quite negatively.
Growing up, I believed the accounts of the Bible to be no more than
legend: Adam and Eve and the fall, Noah’s ark, Jonah and the whale, talking
donkeys, even Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection. Giving my life to the Lord required
faith. Trusting Him through daily
circumstances requires faith. And
it is by that same faith that we must believe that God desires us; He desires to
extend the forgiveness already made possible through His Son, He desires to
cleanse and purify us, He desires to heal and restore us, and He desires to use
our lives according to His ultimate purpose.
Recently, the parallels between “transformation movies” and the Good News
of Jesus Christ have intrigued me. In
the movie, Pretty Woman, a man of wealth and power (Edward), played by Richard
Gere, transforms Julia Roberts’ character (Vivian) from a street hooker to a
beautiful, graceful woman. Essentially,
Edward redeems Vivian. He values
her, and he teaches her according to the ways of his world. Ultimately, empowered by love and worth,
Vivian leaves her former life of prostitution.
Having seen this movie several times, I studied the book of Hosea with a
whole new understanding. Hosea was
esteemed throughout the land as a prophet.
God called Hosea to marry a prostitute named Gomer so He could
demonstrate His never-ending love for Israel, who had become a collective harlot
to idolatry. Israel had become
obstinate: they neither looked to nor listened to God. They had forgotten God’s love and the
deliverance He had granted their ancestors.
Obediently, Hosea married Gomer, and together, they formed a family. After time, though, Gomer was
unfaithful; she strayed from Hosea again and again. I can only imagine the men with whom she
committed adultery. Perhaps they
were old friends, men with whom she felt more comfortable. Perhaps they were former customers; she may have returned to
a life of prostitution, which was more familiar to her. As a prostitute, she was accustomed to being used by men. Certainly, none of these men would have
sought to redeem or love her as had the prophet Hosea. The whole land must have known who she
was, and being the wife of a respected prophet must have only drawn more
attention to the reality of her former life.
They must have mocked and ridiculed her, perhaps when Hosea wasn’t
watching; it was an agony and humiliation, which she suffered and bore alone. So, returning to prostitution,
disgraceful as it was, probably seemed far simpler to Gomer. Yet, God called Hosea to win Gomer back: “Go again, love a
woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of
the Lord for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin
cakes of the pagans” (Hosea 3:1).
Although God’s ways are far greater than our own, we often revert to our
pasts because sin remains more attainable than righteousness. Yet God calls us to leave behind our
former lives of harlotry to sin and to walk with Him in righteousness by faith. Just as by faith we believed in the Lord
and eventually grew to know Him, it is also by faith that we must believe we are
of significant worth to Him and eventually attain the righteousness to which He
calls us by relying on the indwelling Holy Spirit. It is by faith that we must “forget”
and move forward from the sins and wounds of our past and surrender to God’s
ultimate purpose for our lives. It
is by faith that we must accept the blood of Jesus as perfectly suited to cover
our sins and pave the way to eternity with Him.
“For I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no
more” (Jeremiah 31:34).
“I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly my Lord was speaking:
‘My name is I AM.’
He paused.
I waited.
He continued.
‘When you live in the past with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WAS.’
‘When you live in the future with its problems and fears, it is hard. My name is not I WILL BE.’
‘When you live in this moment, it is NOT hard. I am here. My name is I AM.’”
- Helen Mallicot
